screaming infidelities

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs, 
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.

I'm missing your laugh, 
How did it break?
And when did your eyes 
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat

i feel betrayed, hurt, heart broken. 

how could you do this to me?

ugh, i loved you. so much.

i guess i fucked up. you somehow

always seem to blame everything

on me anyways. i tried, i tried so

hard with you. but i guess it was

not enough. i guess i'll never be

good enough for you and your

life. 

you say you care, but how could

you possibly care if you left me

feeling this way, again. you say

our timing is always off, but is 

it? i feel you're making excuses.

i wish you would just tell me the

truth.

but i guess this is a sign. a sign

that says we'll never work out.

and i've got to accept this, and 

move on. it may be difficult and

it may hurt, but it's the right thing.

just know that there's no going 

back now. my heart can't take 

this pain any longer. and i will

not let you in again. 

you made my life great and

fucking horrible at the same

time. i will miss you, but

'us' will never be again.

good bye, good ridden.

I NEED TO KNOW I MATTER 

the beginning.

Have you ever confused a dream with life?  

Or stolen something when you have the cash? 

Have you ever been blue?

Or thought your train moving while sitting still?  

Maybe l was just crazy.  

Maybe it was the '  s. 

Or maybe l was just a girl...                    

    ... interrupted.

the first time i watched this movie i was in awe. 

how could a movie so complex and unique enthuse me? 

simple, the relation was inevitable.

so, i guess i fell into the trend of blogging, i 

mean i wanted to start a long time ago but i guess

i never got around to it. but hey, you've got to 

start somewhere. so, i have come to the conclusion 

that sleep is not my friend. it is 6:23 am and i have 

yet to sleep at all. this happens to me a lot, i guess

you could call me an insomniac. or not. what a shitty 

morning. the ground is wet, the sun is overpowered by 

clouds and dusk. i hope the sun pops out soon enough, 

i want to enjoy today. today is the first monday that 

i do not have to dread. school is finally over, summer 

vacation. i thought this year would never end. so far 

my summer has started off well, not great but good.

my parents abandoned me for three weeks to go to europe, 

so i had the house to myself. not complaining. let's just 

say the past three weeks have been full of booze, 

cigarettes and black outs. s'all good in the hood. 

but my parents returned today. i drove to the 

airport to pick them up, avoiding the swine flu epidemic. 

in a sense i'm glad they're back, i no longer have to 

spend my own money, haha. speaking of which i have to work 

today. but this is kind of a good thing, today will be 

my last closing shift. yes, that's right i quit making 

salads. tear* oh well. everything ends for a reason.

and on that note, i leave you to go attempt to sleep 

before work. 

good night world, or good morning.

hope you liked this, 

martyna.