wonderwall.

3 words that can ruin your whole world.... i miss you.

lately, missing you has been driving me crazzzzzzy.

lately, i've been thinking about you all the time.

lately, i've been secretly wishing you feel the same way too.

how can i explain to you the way i feel? i don't think i can.

this feeling is unexplainable. it makes me want to scream.

I AM A PRISONER OF MY OWN THOUGHTS.

honestly, i've been a mess lately. and it's undeniable. 

i need you, and i think you need me too.

on a midnight train going anywhere.

WOW, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO  BE POSTED JULY 24, haha.

ah, haven't written in a long time. well, since the day i left to be exact...

hmm, well a lot has changed with me. i guess getting away is always for the better. i've been gone for 2 weeks now and it feels like months. it is so different here. the people, the places, the view, the cigarettes. (L) i really wish i could stay here forever. but as you know good things must always come to an end.

i can't believe almost half of the summer is done with.

i cannot imagine going back to school. it will be terrible.

i like sleeping in.

i like not studying.

i like watching online movies and tv shows alll night long.

and i loooooooove not having to go to school to learn something i don't intend on using in my life.

well, i'll try to keep you updated some more.

no promises though.

cheers.

happy birthday rufus.

it's my kitty's 1st birthday today! i'm so happy for the little guy, only a year old and already 20 pounds haha. wow, it's only at birthday's that i realize how fast time flies. it feels like i just got rufus a couple months ago at most. but nope, a whole year has gone by. and a lot has changed, new friends, new school, new outlook on life. but i guess things always change.

so i leave today to the states. going down south to my aunts. i'm kind of stoked actually, just to get out of this town. and get away from this drama. a whole month though, that is a long time. oh well, i could use the relaxation. the upside is lots of shopping and blink 182 sooo excited, fuck. 

so here i am again, late night watching skins. nothing new going on with me. nothing exciting. man i'm going to miss rufus. he's my best friend fack, what am i going to do. i don't want to leave for this long, not really. but i have no other choice. 

i miss him, ugh as much as i don't want to admit it, i do. and that's why i need to go. to get away from him and this drama. to try and forget and move on. to better things. to great things. to something i deserve. i keep telling myself that. and that's what's important.

things are going to get better.

i can feel it.

kjhgfdsa;

you're a fucking ugly slut. that's all.

where have you been?

one word, skins. definition: only the most mind blowing show since the OC. 

i don't know what it is about this show that draws me towards it. maybe it's the accents, or maybe it's the excessively good looking cast. regardless, this show completes my late nights. all i do is watch this show. i quickly became addicted. i highly recommend watching it. it's a british sitcom full of sex, drugs, and best of all real life. so go watch it, RIGHT NOW! and tell me what you think. 

anyways, today was a weird day. it went by way too fast. i woke up to screaming and bickering. this was the result of 5 children fighting over which tv show to watch. later on in the day, a surprise visit from relatives from edmonton occurred. these were people i hadn't seen in about 10 years, so of course it was awkward. but i got used to it.

so here i am again, late at night still awake. watching skins of course. sunday nights are always this lame. blah, i don't know what else to write. i guess i'll just end it here. 

i'll talk to you tomorrow!

screaming infidelities

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs, 
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.

I'm missing your laugh, 
How did it break?
And when did your eyes 
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat

i feel betrayed, hurt, heart broken. 

how could you do this to me?

ugh, i loved you. so much.

i guess i fucked up. you somehow

always seem to blame everything

on me anyways. i tried, i tried so

hard with you. but i guess it was

not enough. i guess i'll never be

good enough for you and your

life. 

you say you care, but how could

you possibly care if you left me

feeling this way, again. you say

our timing is always off, but is 

it? i feel you're making excuses.

i wish you would just tell me the

truth.

but i guess this is a sign. a sign

that says we'll never work out.

and i've got to accept this, and 

move on. it may be difficult and

it may hurt, but it's the right thing.

just know that there's no going 

back now. my heart can't take 

this pain any longer. and i will

not let you in again. 

you made my life great and

fucking horrible at the same

time. i will miss you, but

'us' will never be again.

good bye, good ridden.

I NEED TO KNOW I MATTER 

the beginning.

Have you ever confused a dream with life?  

Or stolen something when you have the cash? 

Have you ever been blue?

Or thought your train moving while sitting still?  

Maybe l was just crazy.  

Maybe it was the '  s. 

Or maybe l was just a girl...                    

    ... interrupted.

the first time i watched this movie i was in awe. 

how could a movie so complex and unique enthuse me? 

simple, the relation was inevitable.

so, i guess i fell into the trend of blogging, i 

mean i wanted to start a long time ago but i guess

i never got around to it. but hey, you've got to 

start somewhere. so, i have come to the conclusion 

that sleep is not my friend. it is 6:23 am and i have 

yet to sleep at all. this happens to me a lot, i guess

you could call me an insomniac. or not. what a shitty 

morning. the ground is wet, the sun is overpowered by 

clouds and dusk. i hope the sun pops out soon enough, 

i want to enjoy today. today is the first monday that 

i do not have to dread. school is finally over, summer 

vacation. i thought this year would never end. so far 

my summer has started off well, not great but good.

my parents abandoned me for three weeks to go to europe, 

so i had the house to myself. not complaining. let's just 

say the past three weeks have been full of booze, 

cigarettes and black outs. s'all good in the hood. 

but my parents returned today. i drove to the 

airport to pick them up, avoiding the swine flu epidemic. 

in a sense i'm glad they're back, i no longer have to 

spend my own money, haha. speaking of which i have to work 

today. but this is kind of a good thing, today will be 

my last closing shift. yes, that's right i quit making 

salads. tear* oh well. everything ends for a reason.

and on that note, i leave you to go attempt to sleep 

before work. 

good night world, or good morning.

hope you liked this, 

martyna.